The Jar
by Strobe Light
Summary: Jim can't get the stupid, goddamn jar open. Warning: swearing, lots of swearing. Crack! fic. Disclaimer: I own nothing, I swear by it.


**Hello!**

**I'm still working on that 5th and final chapter for When In Rome, sorry... *sad face***

**Anyway, I got this idea and couldn't get it out of my head, just thought I'd throw it out there, I though it was funny as hell., hope you like it.:)**

It won't open.

It just won't open.

The goddamn, motherfucking thing won't open.

James Tiberius Kirk, Captain of the Enterprise, savior of worlds, was standing in the middle of his room, yelling at a jar.

Yes, a jar.

Let me go back a bit.

A few days ago, the entire crew aboard the ship was required to take a class skimming over general subjects like cultures and species common throughout the galaxy (such as Vulcans, Andorians, Humans, and Romulans), strengths and weaknesses of the tactics they had been using for their First Contact missions, and the biology, skills, and weaknesses of certain species aboard the ship.

It was a 3-hour class, and Kirk was bored out of his mind.

He was sitting in his previously assigned seat, in the first of five times this class would be taught (because there were so many people aboard the Enterprise) staring at the back of his First Officer's head, wondering what time it was and whether or not they would get a lunch break, cause goddammit, he was hungry.

All of a sudden, or, at least, to Kirk it was all of a sudden, Spock stood up from his chair, and strode to the front of the large conference room, where he then continued to pull out a jar from under the plasti-metal front desk. It was brown, dusty, was about the size of a medium jam jar, and looked like it was about to shatter any second, but Spock handled it with ease, demonstrating to the class how it screwed on like a Terran jar, but could close with a much, much tighter seal and handle high amounts of pressure.

The instructor for the class was about to blow a load he was so ecstatic, but Jim was suspicious. How did they know that it was a tighter seal? Had anybody except Vulcans handled the jar before? Perhaps, Jim could open the jar and rub it in Spock's face later, after this godawful class was over?

Yes, that sounded like a very good idea to Jim.

So, after Spock had gone back to his seat, and Jim had spent the rest of the class imagining ways he could sneak the small jar out of the conference room, some of his ideas more ludicrous then others, he decided to walk close to the front desk in the rush to leave, and just, slip his hand under it, and take it. Easy-sleazy, nothing to it.

Except that Spock saw him.

Goddamn Vulcans see everything.

He confronted the said Goddamn Vulcan after the room had cleared out, holding the jar in one hand and staring him defiantly in the eye.

But, Spock just quirked an eyebrow and said, " if you succeed in opening the jar, I will admit that you are a capable Human, despite the undeniable fact that I have been stating the opposite for the past 5.64 months."

Jim just stood there, slack-jawed, until Spock walked out in that smooth, weird Vulcan way.

Goddamn Vulcans. Sometimes, they surprise the shit out of you.

So, that's what James Kirk had dedicated first some, then all of his free time to. Opening that damned jar.

At this point, all that he had achieved were aching hands, blurred eyes, and a really, really pissy demeanor.

Which brings us to the present time and date, where the Captain of the Enterprise is acting like a five-year-old who can't have a cookie, but with a more colorful vocabulary.

But, little did he know, that Spock was on the other side of the bulkhead, listening with a raised eyebrow as Jim cursed the very being of this little jar.

Finally, apparently having had enough, there wass a solid _thunk_ as the jar collided with the wall, with Jim still yelling his head off. Apparently, he wasn't aware that the soundproofing panels for the Captain's quarters don't come in until Tuesday.

Spock decided to take action, and keyed in the First Officer's override code, and entered the Captain's quarters.

He walked in to Jim sitting at the small regulation desk, his head buried in his crossed arms. The _swish _of the door made him look up, his eyes widening when he saw that it was Spock. Said Vulcan gave no notice to this, ad strode cross the room, picking up the jar from its position on the floor.

He popped off the lid with a slight pop, like Jim had loosened it, which he hadn't.

Jim stared, slack-jawed, as Spock did this.

Spock left.

Jim stared at the door for a moment, then, after he slowly lowered his head back into the circle of his arms, burst into quiet wracking sobs.

**HAHAHA! I love it!**

**Please review, I love them so.**


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